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| first | speak(1) :: permalink |
 7/2/2009 |
9:32 am |
| The Golden Boy is pretty wise. he is big on having goals, setting them, and then working to acheive them. he says i, you, we, everyone, should list our goals and desires. he says the key is to be specific. i have always been more vague in my ideas. to him, he has an exact idea of where he wants to be in say two years and he is working his butt off to reach those ends. i have never really had an idea of where i would like to be, but i work hard and usually find myself in a cool place. but i think i'll try it his way for a while. i will list for you here exactly what i want. i'll start small. i'm in no place mentally for a heavy relationship, but what i want at this precise moment in time is to lay my head down in a woman's lap and let her run her fingers through my hair until i fall asleep. i want to feel her finger tips on the back of my neck. i want to try to make out the words she traces on my skin. i want to feel truly cared for. i want to feel like i matter. so maybe i didn't start off small afterall. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| the procession | speak(3) :: permalink |
| 7/1/2009 |
6:36 am |
| proceed without caution you know me all to well building me up then tearing me down backwards and forwards right to left up and down again and again proceed without caution you know me all to well tearing me down then building me up ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| altogether freddy kreuger-like | speak(5) :: permalink |
| 6/30/2009 |
4:32 am |
| i seem incapable of keeping my guard up when i am finally able to fall asleep. i'm defenseless. my dreams haunt me and they're uncontrollable. suppressed images appear and fade only when i wake. that's unfortunate. sleep was my last bastion, my only fortress. i used to think i was dream warrior material. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| solo(w) | speak(3) :: permalink |
| 6/29/2009 |
7:19 pm |
| i am fucking lonely. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| long dark night. little lost ghost | speak(2) :: permalink |
| 6/29/2009 |
3:32 am |
| there is beauty and savage energy in anger. there is poetry in despair. today is the morning after forever and i'm hoping the sun brings with it something more than sunlight. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| p.s. | speak(3) :: permalink |
| 6/28/2009 |
6:58 am |
| night air, a four hour phone call from a friend i have not spoken to in twelve years. shared memories, a lifetime of old love and laughter. i found a little peace that night, a little freedom. i took a tiny piece of territory back from you, a tiny space inside my head. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| the smallest of hours | speak(2) :: permalink |
| 6/27/2009 |
2:49 am |
| check my phone absently. don’t know who i expect to call. anyone i suppose. it’s another lonely night and i just want someone to say something to me besides, “thank you sir. enjoy your evening.” but the phone, as if disconnected, does not ring. shut off the t.v. power down the computer. kill the lights. my prayer in the stillness of the dark feels like the absence of angels. my only hope is to lie down in the endless moon drift and lift a white flag of dream surrender in the vampire rapture of radio silence. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| justin timberlake said it so much better. | speak(2) :: permalink |
| 6/26/2009 |
5:04 am |
| i think one day you are going to wake up and realize just how badly you fucked up. i think you'll realize what you've done wrong, the things you have destroyed, the love you trampled. but i might be wrong. you don't have that sort of focus and you can never admit when you are wrong. it really must be just too much work for you to think about someone besides yourself. and that's sad. i never took you for that selfish. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| i will turn this life to legend before i'm done. | speak(8) :: permalink |
| 6/25/2009 |
2:12 am |
| i started wondering if i were to die today, would i be missed? i used to think so, but now i think the kids would wonder for a little while then forget me completely. life would go on turning as if i had never been. if you were to go, would you be proud of your accomplishments or dissappointed by your failures? could the gossip that surrounds your death leave you to lie uneasy? would you regret that you had talked, or wished that you had confided. if you were to die today, would you have lived the life you wanted to? would your life-in-review be other's influence or defined by your own will? would you be embarassed by what you had done, or proud to hold your head up high? one day i'll be able to answer these questions in a more positive manner. one day i'll turn this life into legend. tonight though, my story, the laughing, the sadness, my emotions held silent, the talking, the lies, the truth and crying, would all be left to the Unknowing. and that's just not good enough, people. not by a long shot. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
| entwined | speak(0) :: permalink |
| 6/24/2009 |
5:50 am |
| i have stuggled to find the words to describe the push and pull of love, the heavy contradictions it inspires. its power to make you whole and destroy your world in the space of one heartbeat, one cruel sentence. it pulls you in and holds you close with one hand and bruises and refuses you with the other. and tonight, in the dark, the song that plays for me says it all completely. goodbye lover. i just can't seem to find my voice and my thoughts within these words, laced like lovers' fingers. ghost |
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| » posted by: ghost | |
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